Friday, October 29, 2004

Drag Kings, Drag Queens, and Teenagers. Oh My.

Last week,I vonna bUmp asked me to join her at the One In Ten youth group meeting. Now, as I said yesterday..sometimes I am feeling used and used up. Doing so much that I do not always know where I am or what day it is. BUT- I really wanted to be a part of this. When I was 15 or 16, I started going to a GLBT youth group. I met a lot of people and ultimately startd doing drag (in part) because of the youth group. This week's meeting/discussion was all about drag and halooween.

Their meeting starts at 7, and I do not leave work until after five..so it took some doing, but we figured out what to do. Ivonna would be there in drag and would perform, but I would come out of drag and answer their questions as I was putting my face on. It was odd to be surrounded by so many young gay people. I mean.. we are talking 14-22 years old. Gay as they could be. One boy was 14, and obsessed with Cher. I mean, who knew? I warned him about being a little more cautious with his gayness. He does not need to use up all of his gay before his 18th bday!!!!!!

It was an awesome presentation and I was really impressed with how whoughtful and well spoken Ivonna was. The kids asked some very interesting and thought provoking questions and seemed to enjoy it.

After the meeting, I took my make up off and went to POOKIES with Ivonna and David. I had dinner with Devina, chatted with Phaedra (he is in town this weekend!) and watched a few min utes of the show. Unfortuantely, I was so tired that I need to drag my butt home and go to bed.

Oh- so my 7th day with out a drink. I am not planning to quit drinking, but I do think that in the past I have been indulging a bit too much. When you have a hangover once a week.. I think that is too much. And sometimes, I was having more than one a week. I'm not in AA and who knows? I may go out tonight and have a drink- but this is my little experiment. I have been working out and exercising even when I do not feel like it, so I thought this would be an interesting exercise of self control.

I will keep you posted.

I know I promised you talk of N8's Gr8 Ass, but that will have to w8. Im back to work.



Thursday, October 28, 2004

I'm Building My New Website!

So this is the first entry in my new blog for my new and improved site.

What's going on with me?
A lot.

She Lounge is going really well. We are not where we want to be. But for a show that is only two months old, we have changed the way some people look at drag.

Work is fine. It's work.

Personally.. I am going through a lot of stuff. Some I understand.. some of it not so much. Sometimes I feel used up. Sometimes I feel used. Defeated, deflated, and almost worthless. Other days are great self esteem days.
Nathan is on my mind a lot. But not like in a "Fatal Attraction" way. He makes me feel better, stronger, and happier. How bad can that be?

I am ready for a change. I have made a lot of changes lately, and changed my outlook. But there is more to come. I do not know what it is though. I know I have to make it happen, though. I have had some reality checks lately. Maybe more on that later.

These last few weeks have been good for me. I have learned a lot about myself and some of the people that are important to me.

I want to address some more drag-related stuff. Keep reading if you are interested.

It's odd, I spent so much time trying to be noticed, esablished, and respected in this field. I have not done everything the right way. And there are some things I woudl change if I could. Beleive or not, I am not nearly as calculated or conniving as people give me credit for. Some think that I sit and plot ways to take over the world (or Phoenix) or ways to get my name or face in a paper. That's not entirely true.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed at the amount of attention that Barbra Seville and this dot come have attracted. It's scarey, flattering, humbling, satisfying, confusing, vindicating, and intimidating all at the same time. My old guestbook got a lot of feedback from people demanding updates from my site. I was told I did not respect my fans (believe it or not.. I hate that word and really do not think of the people that enjoy my shows as fans.) because it was not updated enough. One accused me of stiffing a web master, implying that is why my site was not updated. Another took a different tone and told me why he thought it was important that I treat my site like a costume or set of jewelry. That I give it the same attention I would a new number or costume. HE told me that he looks to my site and it reflected me.

I do not want to make excuses, but I do want people to know that my life is not 100% about drag. I get sad. Depressed. Lonely. Sick. Amorous. That's the kind of stuff that I have been dealing with lately. Real emotions, real feelings, and real problems. That, coupled with the fact that the girl who ran my site dropped off the face of the earth, made it impossible for me to make my dot com the priority. For those who felt cheated.. I am sorry.

I cannot promise you weekly, monthly, or regualr updates. I promise to try harder.

BIG THANKS to Nathan, Buddy, Robert, Jim, James, George, and Lonnie. (wow..all boys.) These people have tended to the messy garden of my emotions these last few months. Due to the love that some of them have shown me, I feel like I have found a part of me I never knew existed. I feel like part of me that had died a long time ago is alive again.

Enough heavy crap.

Next post will be all about drag, Halloween, Nathan's great ass, and how good my abs are looking. I will also update you on my sobriety experiment. (No booze in seven days... tick tick tick.)