Thursday, July 28, 2005

I will re-size the pics in a bit.

Sorry they are so big!

THERE, THEY ARE! Miss America! (Miss Arizona, at least.)

Last night at Pookie’s, we had our Miss Gay Arizona Spectacular

With very few exceptions, it went off with out a hitch.

It was a stunning display of the best in drag in AZ.

These pics were taken at THE END of the night, so I don’t look as fresh as I’d like.

But still- I wanted to share them.

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That’s David, Tori, Raquel, Chane, Kyra, Chane, Devina, and me.
Up front are Phaedra and Angela.

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Tori, Raquel, Chane, Kyra, Chane, Devina, and me.
Up front are Phaedra and Angela.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I’m Sorry, I Thought I Asked For The "Large."

I stopped by KFC for lunch and ordered twoone of their new "Chicken Snacker" sandwiches and a large Diet Coke.

The uninterested voice in the speaker asked me if I would like to upsize my drink.

Of course, I would.

When I pulled up to the window and she hands me the largest bucket of soda I have ever seen:


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I mean, who needs a half-gallonof soda??

At that point I realized my calling in life was to be the first human to finish this cost-conscious, carbonated confection.

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Wish me luck…..

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

ONLY 151 Shopping Days!

This made me smile.

I love Santa Claus.

I always have.
Almost every year, I get my picture taken with the jolly old elf. Whenever I see Santa, I always say hi to him. ALWAYS.

One year, when I was like 7 or 8, I was Santa for Halloween.

When I was 20 or 21, I took a job coordinating the Christmas promotions at Superstition Springs Mall. I got to hire the Santa for the mall. I got to hire his helpers, Mrs. Claus, and work on all of the special events, including Breakfast with Santa, Story Time with Santa, Tea with Mrs. Claus.

On two different occasions, I got to play Santa. It was one of the neatest things I have ever done. There is no bigger celebrity in the world, than Santa Claus. Kids, parents, even rotten teenagers- they were all almost always happy to see Santa.

Because of this experience, I often look at someone and think- "He’d be a good Santa." It’s usually just smiling eyes, or a nice tone to his voice.

Tips for a Santa:

  • Always wear gloves. (No, not just because of germs.. but because Santa should look almost magical. Seeing hands makes him look normal.

  • Good Leather Boots. No Plastic- no boot covers.

  • Refer to yourself as "Santa."
    "What have you got to say to ol’ Santa, little lady?"

  • Keep your beard and hair from overtaking your entire face.

  • Use some white grease paint or White Out on your eyebrows.

  • When a kid asks for a present, suggest that if he keeps his room clean, and listens to his folks, that you will see what you can do.

  • When kids tell you they love you, tell them that "Santa loves (you,) too."

  • "Ho, ho, ho" is a no-no-no.
    Sort of a "Ha- oo!" chuckle sounds much better- and not so scary.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Have I Stayed Too Long At The Fair?

If I zapped all of the joy and energy out of my life would you tell me?
If I was a zombie, would you want me to know?
If I cut myself off from my friends, would you ask me what the deal is?
If I looked like hell, would you tell me to get it together?

If you zapped all of the joy and energy out of your life would you want me to tell you?
If you were a zombie, would you want to know?
If you cut yourself off from your friends, would you want me to ask you what the deal is?
If you looked like hell, would you want me to tell you to get it together?

Maybe The Party Is Over...

Friday, July 22, 2005

From My Lips To Your Ears

I have not shared one of my favorite things in some time.
Today, I offer you the diva, herself:
Patti LuPone.

When I was but a young lad, I lived in Texas. I remember watching TV and seeing a commercial for a show that was touring through Houston. It had a blonde woman bathed in lights and the glare of diamonds, belting "..I kept my promise, don’t keep your distance."

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I had no idea what the song meant. All day, I would wait for that commercial to come on. I would always RUN in to the living room whenever I heard the now familiar strains of "Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina."

Mind you, I was a LITTLE boy. 9? 10, maybe?
Don’t try to tell ME that people are not born gay.

But back to La LuPone.

The years went by (as they do..) and my obsession with Evita was once more titillated when Madonna announced that she wanted to play Eva Peron in the movie version of Andrew Llyod Weber’s musical. I went to the library and researched this woman, fascinated that she could captivate a nation’s imagination and become a symbol, a leader, and national treasure.

And then for along time nothing happened.
(Esoteric "Simpsons" quote.)

My friend **CAUTION** NOT APPROPRIATE FOR THE WORK PLACE. Even out of the workplace, this link could be offensive. DO NOT CLICK UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE EXPLICIT DEPICTIONS OF GAY S*E*X **CAUTION** Richard goes off to see Barbra Sreisand in Las Vegas. While there, he meets a singer named Byron Motley. Byron is a singer, also. They promise to keep in touch. (Knowing Richard, I am sure they hooked up, first.)

Byron send Richard a copy of a cd that appears on as a back up singer.

The singer?


Patti LuPone.

It is a 2-disc set that she recorded live in Pasadena. I appropriated the cd, and learned every song, joke, story, and breath of that concert. Honestly, I can lip synch the entire concert, with razor sharp accuracy. If you are a musical theatre junkie- get it. I have gone through 3 copies over the years.

From there, I discovered her other works. Her musical triumphs, her appearances in straight plays, her TV career, and her movie career.

On my list of divas that I have to see live, she is the only one I have not seen:
Cher- 3 times
Tina- 5 times.
Bette- 4 times.
Barbra- 1 time.
Betty Buckley- 1 time. (met her)
Linda Eder- 2 times. (met her)
Britney (I know.. hardly a diva)- 2 times.
Stevie Nicks- 1 time (met her)

BUT, I have corresponded with her.
Yes, even though she is quite the DIVA, she has returned my emails several times.
(Her email address is ‘DIVASPEAK@_____________.’ HOW GREAT IS THAT?)

I think I may have blogged about Ms. LuPone before, so forgive.

Patti LuPone is more than a singer, more than an actress, and more than a dancer. She is an icon, a legend, and perhaps more importantly- one of my favorite things.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Dear Friends,

Are you ready to defend the rights and dignity of all Arizonans, and to
deliver an unforgettable blow to the politics of division that lurks behind the so-called "Protect Marriage Arizona" amendment?

Would you like some TV and radio ads to start running that tell the truth about how the "defenders" of marriage have, in fact, worked tirelessly to undermine the financial security of Arizona families? Indeed, their attack on the GLBT community is the old political trick of looking for scapegoats to beat up instead of taking responsibility for the damage they and their elected political agents have done to Arizona's families.

They picked the wrong scapegoat this time. Arizona is an open land where people have traditionally put a high value on living honestly, and on giving others the right-of-way to do the same. Arizonans will show the nation how to deal with troublemakers who try to pit neighbor against neighbor for their own toxically narrow political agenda.

Some of the people who most need to take a stand out in the street with us will, instead, stay inside behind their curtains. But enough will join the fight to make Arizona famous as the place where the higher values of decency, neighborly respect and courage ended a reign of terror.

Please be among those who come out early.

Steve Quinlan has offered to start our ad campaign fund by pledging up to $25,000 to match every dollar you give over the next 25 hours.

Between now and 9:15pm tomorrow (Wednesday), please be as generous as you can, and send this along to all your friends who will help us defeat the so-called "Protect Marriage Arizona" amendment, which is an attack on the medical benefits and rights of all unmarried Arizonans, gay and straight.

More importantly, it is a bullying act against human dignity--bullying that has been going on all over the nation but will end here, because of you.

Please go to Az Together to make a credit card donation or to find out how to send a check that will qualify for the match.

There are strategic reasons why we want to start the ad campaign soon. Your generosity will make the difference. The last time we mailed you, we asked you to help us double the list by sending the message along to your friends.

You quadrupled it.

Now let's use our combined power to get on the march.


Steve May, Ivy Schwartz, Kyrsten Sinema, Vicki Gaubeca, David Ragan, Alfredo
Gutierrez, Jonathan Thatcher, Linda Binder, Dave Bolger, Joel Meister, Clyde
Kunz, Neil Giuliano, Amy Kobeta, Fred Hubbard, Rev. Briget Nicholson,
Michael Baughman, Linda Elliot, Bill Hardin, Mike Morgan, and many others of
your friends and neighbors.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

"I've Got Something ELSE To Say!"

I had the nicest, most relaxing, calm weekend in recent memory.

No shows. No drag. No drama.
No hangovers.

I spent most of the weekend close to home, doing laundry, chatting on-line, and playing with my big, fat cock-
er spaniel, Regina Fellangi.

N8 and I saw "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" on Friday. I won’t even bother reviewing it on here. It is really a sweet movie. No pun intended.

Freddie Highmore absolutely KILLED me in "Finding Neverland," and he is no less impressive in this movie. His stage presence (screen presence?) is unbelievable.
I shed a tear more than once in this movie.

Go see it.

Unfortunately, I cannot send you to see "Wedding Crashers." It is overly long, "underly" humorous, and more than a tad tacky.

Pity, too. I like Owen Wilson. I like Vince Vaughn. Typically, I like "summer no—brainer movies." (American Pie, Austin Powers, Something About Mary, etc.)
This one has it’s moments, but they are too few and too far between. There is also a homophobic sub-plot that made me uncomfortable.


Thanks for all the shout out and pleas to return.

Funny, thing- I was only trying to be dramatic and guilt SOMEONE in to not abandoning his blog- since it was really the only way I kept up with him. I was just planning to pout for a week or so. But I decided to let that go, because I guess I don’t really care what is going on with him. He can’t call- email, or blog?
Who needs that? I have enough one-sided relationships.

Thank you, no!

I've changed my settings, so now you can post without registering.
So, for all the gawkers, lurkers, and non-posting readers: gimme a shout out! Let me know who you are and where you found me.

Monday, July 18, 2005

WAIT A MINUTE! I've Got Something To Say!

I'm back.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Harsh? Maybe.

Since a certain recent New York transplant has decided to close shop at his blog with not so much as a warning, (NOW, or otherwise???) I will not be blogging as a sign of protest.

I mean, why should he be able to enjoy my blog when he has shut down his?

Sorry, dolls.

He ruined it for everyone.

Friday, July 08, 2005

**Cornball Alert**

I do not know why I have such a hard time accepting compliments. Anytime someone says something nice to/about me; I always try to discredit it, explain it, or brush it off.

"Oh, I made this myself."
"Really, I got this for $5.00."
"I guess I’m ok for an old queen."

That kind of stuff.

Last night someone actually made me cry (which is not that hard to do..) because he said something so sweet and sincere.

I was talking to this guy at Crusin’ 7th.
Crusin’ 7th is the less glamorous sister of the Phoenix bar scene. Often it is populated with tranny hookers, rent boys, and men looking to procure services from the tranny hookers and rent boys.

But frequently it is also full of your average neighborhood gays. Gays, friends of gays, and folks who just like it because it is a neighborhood bar. I mean where else can you get a beer, a shot, and change from a five-dollar bill?

So back to the guy, he was nice enough and we chatted for a few minutes before a "regular" of the bar came up to ask me when I would be in the show again. I told him I would be there next week, that it was nice to see him, and thanks for asking.

The other guy asks me what kind of show, and what do I do. (Oh, I was out of drag.)
The regular customer tells him that I am Barbra Seville and starts saying that he thinks I am great, etc. I get predictably embarrassed and uncomfortable.

After this, the guy I was originally talking to, tells me that he has seen my show and has always enjoyed it. Then he told me that the reason he enjoys my show is because it always makes him feel good, that I make him feel good, and that I make people feel better about themselves. That I make "regular" people feel important.

He was so sweet, so genuine, so humble, and so generous in his praise that it made me tear up so bad; that I had to excuse myself.

I came back and thanked him. He probably thought I was crazy, but he gave me a hug and walked in to the night.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I Was SURE It Was Pol Pot!

PS, to my brainiac friends (**cough JEFF cough**) can you tell me why I am not getting posted comments sent to my B-Mail address?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Bring Us Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Hotties.

The United States just got a whole lot sexier:

Fadil Beqiri, 27, of Kosovo became a citizen yesterday.

He will probably treasure the opportunities that are afforded him far more than someone like me who is simply an American by chance.

Welcome, Fadil!

I had a pretty phabulous phourth. What about you?

Daytime show at Charlie's, followed by fireworks on the patio.

On the whole, my weekend was a perfect mix of down time, quality time, and work. Sometimes these long weekends leave me more beat than a 5-day work week. That was not the case this holiday weekend.

We saw War of The Worlds on Friday. I give it a 7 out of 10.
More than once I realized I was sitting there SLACK-JAWED at the special effects of the movie.

Tom Cruise is good! I mean, he is Tom Cruise. How good or bad does he have to be?

But besides the special effects, Dakota Fanning is the true star of the movie. She is amazing.
Walk; don't run to see this movie.

I went to a pool party on Sunday. A random acquaintance from the bar invited me to his pool party- and in a remarkably un-like me move, I accepted. I had a good time, met some new people, and relaxed by the pool for a few hours.
Good times, good times.