Thursday, December 29, 2005

Ok, So I May Never Win An Academy Award-

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Memoirs of a Gaysha, uhh.. I Mean Geisha

I think professional movie critics need to take the sticks out of their asses.

Seriously, they are never happy.

Example: I saw "Memoirs of a Geisha" last night, and found it to be a beautiful, well-told, wonderfully acted story. It might be a tiny bit long, but so is the book. Like the book, I can not imagine dropping too much from the story.

This is exactly the kind of movie that people have been begging for in recent years. Amazing costumes, gorgeous sets, stunning scenery. The acting is top-notch, there is minimal sex, next to no violence, and the story does not involve a 90 foot lizard, a cute boy in tights (no offense, Tobey!), or a teenager having sex with baked goods.

So what do the critics do? They trash it at every chance.

So here’s my opinion:
If you were a fan of the book, you will enjoy this movie. If you never read the book, you might enjoy it even more. If you are a fan of eastern culture or customs you will love this movie. If you are someone who loves learning a little something from a movie (like me) you will enjoy this movie.

Get a big tub of butter-flavored popcorn, and large squishy, and settle in for a good time at the movies.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Never Thought I'd Let A "Rumor" Ruin My Moonlight*

Rumor has it that the worst movie of the holiday season is "Rumor Has It", starring my girl Jennifer Anderson, Scott Buffalo, and Shelly MacLaine.

This movie plods along like a death march,

This movie is free of any charm, style, wit, or characters that you would root for, or have tiniest bit of empathy.

Even Ms. MacLaine (in her second mis-step of the year- we won’t go in to the train wreck that was "Bewitched".) cannot escape from this movie unharmed. She does a variation of her Ouisa Boudreaux character from "Steel Magnolias", which gets a few laughs, but she is hardly the kind of character that has the "oomph" or "it" factor which makes you think she could have been the basis for Anne Bancroft’s character in "The Graduate". Worse, still, the last ten or 100 minutes of the movie starts suggesting that we should feel bad for her.

Kevin Costner’s character is cute, and nice enough if you don’t consider the fact that he has slept with three generations of women from the same family.

All together, now:


The movie was a complete waste of my time and my $8.

*The name of my post comes from the song "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers.
I heart them and especially heart

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Merry Christmas From Sevillomatic

Hi Cherubs-
Sorry I have been away for a few days. I have had a lot going on, and neglected you for a few days.

I might not be back in front of the computer until after Christmas, so I wanted to take a minute to share my wish for a warm, wonderous, and magical holiday to you, your friends, and your family.

If you are apart from someone you love this Christmas, you have my sympathies.

If you are lonely this Christmas, you have my wish for brighter new year; surround with friends, family, and fun.

If you have a warm place to rest your head, the soothing sounds of a friends voice, the wet nose of fuzzy creature, or the gentle touch of a loved one, I hope you take a moment to give a thought of gratitude.

On Christmas Eve, I will give thanks for the opportunities I have, the friends who love me so well, the family who loves me exactly as I am, and for the people give me the gift of being able to entertain them.

Here are some holiday pics from Casa Seville.

Merry Christmas!

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Friday, December 16, 2005

Consider Viewing This Post From Home

Ok, I warned you!

Since my friend "anonymous" *cough*sloppyjoey*cough* made mention of my unfortunate loss of a certain ring, I have been asked by more than a few people what that means, exactly.

Most of you know that your friends at Sevillomatic have little or no shame. Heck, our motto is "Love, hate, or mock us; just don’t ignore us."

With that in mind, I offer you a little story we like to call
"Sevillomatic: Lord of the Ring".

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Not too long ago, I had a romantic encounter with a sweet young man. When he collected his money and left for the night, he left behind a little piece of jewelry- vulgarly referred to as a cock ring. Having barely reached my 26th year, the ways of man were still a mystery to me. So, I’d had little exposure to a cock ring.

The next morning, I was getting dressed for work, I decided "Why not?’ I slipped the bad boy on, and trotted off to work.

A few hours later, I was outside, walking to the main office when I heard a "CLINK".

I looked down: there on the sidewalk, rolling away from me was the cock ring.

Was it my tiny penis? Was it the cold air? Was it nerves? I’ll never know. All I knew was that my "stuff" betrayed me and let the cock ring fly.

Panicked, I looked from side to side to see if anyone else saw it.

It looked like I was in the clear! So I bent over and picked it up, and slid it in to my back pocket.

Truly an embarrassing incident! But sometimes, something is so embarrassing, that you HAVE to tell someone. Right?

So, I shared this story with a friend of mine. He was complaining to me that his partner(s) always seem to lose their erection(s) once he got naked. In my quest to help him out, I asked him if they had tried using a cock ring. He said they had used a cock ring, a popsicle stick and tape, a rubber band, and porn. Oddly, the only thing that helped his friend keep an erection was my friend putting his own clothes back on.

Go figure.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Less Preaching, More Posing

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My friend Paul and me at Pookie’s as I wait to go on. I am smiling here because Paul just gave me a really cool ring. THANKS PAUL!

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David Bump and me in the dressing room at Amsterdam.
I love him and it was good to see his ass!

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The oh-so-talented and creative Ivona Bump, me, the SexyTransyGhettoFabulous Myra Mya McKenzie, and my friend Tia in the dressing room at Amsterdam.

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At the Echo Chrismahannkwanzaka Party with my friend and co-worker Erin.

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At the same party with my lunch buddies, Jorge and Antonio.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Brokeback Mountain

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Last night, we had the spectacular chance to catch a sneak preview of "The Gay Cowboy Movie", "Brokeback Mountain" along with 420 other gays*, hags, and freebie-loving movie-goers.

The movie is a beautiful (if haunting) love story. If you have ever loved someone that you could not be with, you will be touched by this story. If you have ever been kept from expressing yourself, you will relate to this story. If you have ever been afraid to be yourself, you will see yourself in this story.

Because the story revolves around two men, this movie has become some sort of a "litmus test" to right-wingers. In their thinking, if this movie does not do well, it just goes to show you how out of touch Hollywood is with American values. If it does well, then they will have to give Americans a little more credit.

Many conservative voices (and I expect a few voices who relate too closely to the subject matter) claim that America is not ready for story like this. That "John Wayne would be spinning in his grave" about this portrayal of cowboys. (Never mind that these are sheep-herders and that John Wayne, nee Marion Morrison, was not a cowboy.) Commentators will tell anyone who will listen that this movie is something that only "whackos" on the coasts can relate to. One online column mentioned that it would not play well in places like "...Hartford, Plano, or Scottsdale". (The theatre where we saw this sneak preview was in Scottsdale and turned almost 100 people away because the theatre was at capacity.)

I think conservatives do not want people to see this movie because it humanizes gays. It is a movie that has the potential to make someone think twice about how they feel about gays. Conservatives and right-wingers know that this is the kind of movie that could provoke conversation, and perhaps change someone's heart or mind.

It opens here this weekend. So does KING KONG. I will see both, probably. But if I only see one, it will be Brokeback Mountain.

When this movie opens in your area, go see it. Take a friend. Take an ex-boyfriend. Take a hag. Take a parent.

It would be wonderful to read that America has embraced this movie. It would be wonderful to prove that America is more tolerant, curious, compassionate, and open-minded than it's leaders and talking heads.

Experience this movie for yourself. If you hate it, I apologize. But if you love it, enjoy, or are the tiniest bit moved by it; talk about it to your friends, parents, co-workers, hags, ex-boyfriends, and to strangers in the line at the bank.

*More on this at a later date.

Monday, December 12, 2005

The Rarest Of Birds (2 posts in one day?!?!)

I know my readers get frustrated when I do not update everyday, so this will be a RED LETTER DAY for both of them!

Welcome to my second post of the day!

There is a sneak preview of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN this Tuesday. Of course, every ticket for it has been snatched up. Many people will be turned away at the door. I am sure.

For those unlucky bastards without tickets, in the Phoenix area, I have good news:

This week the Harkins Camelview Theatre 5 in Scottsdale is presenting ONE screening of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN for the GLBT community. 
Jason Fruits, Manager of the Camelview, has made arrangements for a special GLBT performance on Thursday, December 15 at 8:00 PM. Let's show our support and put 446 people in the theatre for this very gay affair! Plan to arrive early since this a one-time only screening the day before the film officially opens on Friday December 16. Harkins Theatre's regular admission pricing policies apply.

Stolen From Jeff's Blog

Blog name = sevillomatic

# piercings = 0

# tattoos = 0

height = 6'

hair color = brown (drab brown, to be exact)

siblings = 8, I really only count 2

children = 0

How old do you look = late 20's, I am told

How old do you act = late teens, I am told

How old do you feel = 139

Do you have any pets = Regina
movie you rented = FAT ACTRESS

movie you bought = Love Actually- since NATHAN has mine,

song you listened to = Edge of 17, Lindsay Lohan (Don’t you DARE judge me!)

song that was stuck in your head = Oh, What a Circus! (Evita)

cd you bought = Lindsay Lohan

tv show you've watched = Today Show

you have a secret crush = I always tell people when they are my secret crush. My not so secret crush this week is Antonio’s BF, Robert

you wish you could live somewhere else = No, not really

you think about suicide = Not, too narcissistic

you believe in online dating = Yeah, but I do not call them "dates".

others find you attractive = Have you SEEN me? Of course they do


you like cleaning = ONLY when I am in the mood.

you like roller coasters = Hail to the no

long distance relationships = No, because everyone cheats

using someone = It’s not nice

smoking = Thank you, no

Death penalty = For the most part, no

ever lied to someone? = Are you kidding? I have lied on this quiz

ever been in a fist fight? = Yes

ever passed out on a street from drinking too much? = No- but almost fell asleep waiting for a cab NYE 2004

ever told someone you loved them when you didnt? = yeah

ever cheated on a lover/spouse? = A boyfriend. Do boyfriends count

ever cheated on a test? = Pregnancy

shoes do you wear most = My black comfy adidas tennys

are you scared of = LOTS of stuff

do you want to be when you grow up = happy

is your least favorite chore to do = putting away the laundry. I don’t mind doing it or folding it. HATE putting it away

makes you the happiest = laughing

upsets you the most = mean people

always makes you smile = certain emails

of times I have been in love = Nevah!
Ok, well, maybe 2

of hearts I have broken = NONE!
Well, maybe 3

of people I can trust with my life with = 4

of times my name has appeared in the newspaper = countless. Usually in the courts section

of scars on my body = 10. And most of them are on my hands. I think they are cool. I have one on my stomach that I hate

of things in my past that I regret = "I Regret Everything"
(I regret everything, every moment of my life! Every path that I take is another big mistake!)
Sorry, that is a Patti LuPone song.

of times I told people I loved them today = 0. If you are reading this, I love you!

pretty = yes, sometime

Handsome= yes, sometimes

funny = Yes. Not everyone agrees

friendly = yes

amusing = yes

ugly = sometimes

loveable = si

caring = yeah. But I keep that a secret. Shh

sweet = some would say

sensitive = overly so

a putz = yeah

mean = yes. :0(

6 letter word =

Candy = gummi colas

Cartoon = Simpsons

Cereal = Shredded Mini Wheats

Color = Jungle Red

Day of week = Sunday

Season = Fall

Movie = Can’t pic one

Book = Can’t pic one

TV Channel = E!

Slept in your bed with you = Miguel

Saw you cry = the people in the theater where we saw RENT

Made you cry = A thing about homeless Katrina pets

Yelled at you = Not sure, but I assume it was Buddy

Smiled at you = Tim

Kissed you = a lesbian at IBT’s yesterday

Gone out in public in your pajamas = yes

Kept a secret from everyone = yes

Wished you were the opposite sex = no

Stolen someone’s newspaper = no

Borrowed something never meaning to return it = no

Had sex with some one of the same sex = yes

*bonus- Had sex with some one of the opposite sex = no

Do you believe in love at first sight = no

Most important quality to you in a relationship is = honesty

Who loves you most = my mom


Do you speak any other languages = no
Last flavor you tasted = oatmeal cookie

Last noise you heard = Jorge asking me when we are going to lunch, though now I am very aware of the sound of the keyboard

Last smell you sniffed = Cannot remember

Last meal you ate = cup of yogurt before work

Last beautiful thing you saw = my holiday tree

Last emotion you felt = sadness

Favorite item in your home = I dunno

Worst feeling in the world = feeling alone. Not being alone, just feeling alone.

I Love ...when Regina (my dog) sleeps with me.

I Miss ...Mom and Dad.

I Wish ...I had not wasted so many years.

I Hope ...things get better in this world.

I Want ...more quiet time.

I am ...loved.

I need ...more self-confidence.

I'd rather die than lick .… nada. I’d rather not die, thank you very much.

Friday, December 09, 2005

You've Got Spunk!!!! I hate spunk.

Buddy invited me to go see "EVITA" at Gammage this week.
"Evita"is one of my favorite shows, and this was to be my fourth time seeing it.

I was particularly excited because it was a "new production" under the supervison of Harold Prince.

Right away, I was dissapointed when I saw that the "EVA" in the show had next to no acting skills, and only marginal dancing skills. Ugh.

In her defense, she had an fantastic voice with an amazing range.
Unfortunately, her emotional range ran the gamut from "A" to "B".

At intermission, Buddy asked me what I thought, since I had seen the show before, and he had not. I just said it was not the best productions I had seen. He was glad to hear that, because he was not loving it either.

As he put it, this Eva seemed like she was cast out of some zany 40's or 50's movie. Imagine Betty Hutton or Lucille Ball as Eve Peron.

This girl, Sarah Litzsinger posessed none of the sexual charm, none of the "star quality", and none of the subtle ambition that could make a powerful man and his country fall for her.

She nailed "A New Argentina", impressing me as she hit the highest notes of the show. It actually gave me chills. But before you knew it, she was back to her "Awww! Ricky, I wanna run the country!" act.

I kept waiting for Peron to put her over his knee.

As wonderful and first rate as the singing was, it never overcame the one-dimensional chracters, and one-note acting.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Miracle On 3rd St

So, Friday, after the untimely passing of Warmy, my boss came down stairs to ask why I was crying.
Between sobs, I informed him of the sad turn of events.

He asked me if I tried cleaning ole' Warmy with canned air. (of course I had. Duh?!?!)

Then he asked me if I had kicked it.

He told me there is nothing to lose.

So I kicked Warmy and tried to turn it back on.

And then it happened.

He started up again.

The holiday season is indeed filled with miracles.

Tim (my boss) swears that there is nothing that cannot be fixed with either canned air or a swift kick.

Thanks for all the calls, e-mails, and floral tributes during this trying time.


Friday, December 02, 2005

Wide Open Space (Heaters)

That's the portable space heater I keep at my desk at work.
His name is Warmy, and he keeps me all toasty (and alive) with his warm, breezy, life sustaining ways.

Sadly, he entered eternal rest today at approximately 9:39 am.
He died doing what he loved most: keeping my feet (and "down theres") warm during the harsh Arizona winters.
Though our time together was brief (4 winters), the time we had was precious.
I will never forget good, old......



Regular readers know that I HATE to be dramatic, but I am having a hard time typing this post- my fingers so sore with frostbite.
I won't lie.
It's starting to look like The Donner Party around here. People circling my desk, waiting for me to drop like a fly.

This may be my last post.